Sunday, October 10, 2010

First Rain

I was  supposed to be  away  this  weekend  on a  woman's  retreat  but  things  change  so  fast,  for  a  million  reasons  which  maybe  I  will blog  about  one  day,  we  ended  up  being  almost prisoners  in  our  own  home.
I  had  forgotten to  give  one  of  the  other  organisers  one  of  the  gifts that needed  to  be  handed  out, so  drove  through  on  Saturday  afternoon  and  had  lunch  with  everyone  to  drop  them  off.  it  really  broke  my  heart  knowing  I  should  have  been  there  with  everyone..........
But  when  I  look  back  now  I  realise  that  it  was  in the  trip there  and  back  that  I  learnt  the  lesson  that  I  was  supposed  to  learn  this  weekend..............
As  I was  driving  the  scenery  was  amazing....................   alternating  between  undulating  hills  and grass  plains at  one  point  along  the  road there  were  horses  taking  a  bath  in  a  farm  dam,  ,  running  through  the  water it  almost  looked  like  they  were  splashing  one  another.

Then  there  were  cows  grazing  without  a  worry  in  the  world,   calm,  peaceful,  everything  they  needed  right  there,  grass  from  the  veld  and  water  from the  stream,  what  else  did  they  need, a  life  uncomplicated  by  relationships,  possessions,  anger, lies, hurt...........
Then  I  noticed  the  veld  grass  in  full  flower there  white  tips  blowing  in  the  breeze  looking  like  waves  of  white  foam, being  thrown  backwards  and  forwards  huge  pockets  of  grass moving  almost  as  it  they  were  alive  and  trying  to  reach  out  for  something, straining  to  reach  into  the  unknown,  fields  of  yellow   and  purple  flowers, who  even  though we  had  not  yet  had  rain  had  erupted  into  fields  of  colour waiting  knowing,  having  absolute  faith  that  the  rain  would  come..



When  we  went  to  go  and  look  at  the  place  a month  ago  to  see  what  we  needed  to  take  with us  on  the  retreat,  there  were  entire  fields where    the  veld  had  been  ravaged  by  fire,  but  driving  along  today  the unburnt  sections,  the   brown  grasses looked  dusty, and  old  but  the  places  that  had  been  destroyed  by  the   fire,  had sprouted into  luscious   fields,  bright  green  in there  newness,  without  a  drop  of  rain  having  fallen,  the  grass  and  flowers   didn't  wait  for  rain,  it  didn't  wait  for  lower  temperatures,  just  in  case  it  got  burnt  in  the  son,  it  did  what  came  naturally  it  renewed  its  life,  in faith  looking  forward  to  Gods  provision  of  rain.
During  lunch  the  wind  came  up  and  the  sky  began  to  darken  and  there  was  a  promise  of  rain  in the  air at  last .........  on  the  way  home  the  wind  was  blowing   and  at  a  particularly  isolated  part  of the  trip  and  with  only  a  few  cows  grazing  in  the  field,  and  as  my  sister  said  later, they  probably  thought  I was  just  another  cow  with "Mad Cow  Disease"   I   got  out  of  the  car  and  I  screamed.................  yep.............  screamed..............  screamed  until  my  throat  hurt............  screamed  until  i  had  released  all the  hate  and  bitterness  inside  me..............  screamed  to  God  for  help............  screamed  for  my lost  life..............  screamed  for my lost  love........................  and  as  I  got  back  into the  car  a  peace  came  over  me.......  and  I  knew  that  I  was  going  to  okay,  that  we  were  going to  be  okay ................  we  were walking  safely  wrapped  in  Gods  arms,  protection  and  love ............... all  I  needed  was  to  trust  in  Him,  like the  flowers,  like  the  grasses,  like  the cows................

As we  sat  on  my  beloved  verandah  later  that  afternoon  the  wind  started  to  blow,  and  we  could  hear  the  storm  getting  closer  and  closer,   the  promise  of  the  first  Highveld  Storm,  becoming  more  and  more  promising,  the  lightning   echoed through  the  valley and  it  was  like  the  entire  world  was  waiting,  waiting  with  baited  breath  to  see  if  this  was  finally  it,  everything   to  scared  to  move,  to  scared  to  make  a  noise  in  case  something  scared  it  off,  there  was  completed  silence  while  we  waited............  and  as  I  sat  and  watched  the  Syringa  tree   in  the  garden, covered  in  sweet smelling  purple  flowers  blowing  in the  wind, at  that moment for  me,   it  looked  as  if  its  branches  where  waving   in  praise, praising  God,  for  the  fullfillment  of  his  promise.............  and  then  we  could  hear  the  rain  coming  as  it  started  pounding  on the  roof  tops,  and  then  it  was  our  turn,   I  ran   into  the  rain,  ran   to  wash  myself  of  the  past.......................
This  morning  as  I  sit  and  blog  on  my  verandah  everything  looks  clean,  everything  looks  fresh,  the  grass is  almost  dry  and  it  is  only  6  in the  morning, everything  was  just  so  thirsty, .........  the  birds  are  singing............ and  all  is  well  with  the  world...............  all is  well  with  my world.............................. you  see  this  weekend  I  learnt  the  lesson.........  I  am  not  in control  of my  life  God  is.........  and  i  need  to  just  have  FAITH

6 comments:

  1. Beautifully written Karen. Sometimes I wonder if God really hears my prayers...and then I'm taken back by the blessings I so thoughtlessly take for granted. You truly had an AHA moment this weekend! Hope all is well and continues to be so for you.

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  2. Thanks for sharing. This was a beautiful piece of writing. And, a wonderful lesson that I'm sure you just had to share. And I'm glad you did. :) Blessings, Karen.

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  3. Ah Karen, you always touch my heart.

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  4. great post i enjoyed the beautiful photos. thanks rose

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  5. Oh honey I feel so bad that I don't live closer to you so we could get through this together.
    What a way with words you have my dear friend. If only I could write like you do.
    I so hate you missed your retreat but you found out so much more by experiencing this and honey God is going to get you through all this and please know we all love you too.
    Wish I could help more
    Love
    Maggie

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