Eight Sleeps

Only eight more sleeps, and my daughter is getting married, she will no longer have the same surname, she will no longer be identifiable by her surname as “one of us”, she will no longer have to pretend at work that we only have the same name and are in no way related, just in case I have had sometime or other put the customers account on hold, she will have a brand new name, one she can be proud of, and her new life will begin.

As I look at her so grown up and mature, so organized something that I thought I would never see, she has lists for everything, she has thought of everything, I am so proud of her, I will be so proud to see her walk down the isle, she has grown into a beautiful young lady, one who is liked by all, someone who has compassion and will help others, someone who people like to be around, who is interesting to talk to, who can make others laugh, someone who has the ability to forgive and forget and move on because life is to short to worry about the small stuff.

When I look at her, I am thankful for all the time I spent with her, the hours in doctors waiting rooms when she got sick, the hours walking up and down trying to comfort her when she was not feeling well, the hours spent lying on her bed because she would not go to sleep, the hours doing homework, the hours testing her when she was writing exams, the hours in the car driving to and from school, the hours driving to and from the stables, the lunches that we have enjoyed together, the Friday afternoon milkshakes …………….. I would not change a moment of it.

They say children are a blessing and I know that I have been blessed by having her in my life, and I would not change a moment of it. But looking back I can see this was a choice on my part, I could have done, what my parents had done and not taken an interest, I could have just been there giving a roof over her head and food on her plate, but I wanted something more, I wanted to build good memories, that she would remember forever, and one day when she has children she can regale to them the “stories” of her mother, good loving stories and happy memories, this is the legacy that I want to leave to her ………………………….

With this wedding she has done so much herself, she handmade every invitation herself, she handmade every place name, she handmade every thank you card.

She taught herself how to make candles and made every candle herself.

She made her own thank you gifts, when it would have been so much easier just to buy them.

She hand made the boxes for her flowers for the tables because she could not find exactly what she wanted at the price she was prepared to pay.

She deserves only the very best on her special day, she deserves for all the dreams she has for this special day to be fulfilled, she deserves the sunset which she ordered months ago, she deserves her dreams to come true ……

Tongue

The bible says that the tongue is mightier than the sword, and that we should use it wisely, with wisdom and with love, and it is so right, words can be are so powerful .............. but also so hurtful ....... and so destructive ............... and often unforgiveable ....... that is why i cannot understand why someone would find the need to use their tongue in a way that could only lead to hurt and anger, to use this muscle to make up stories that are untrue just to hurt someone ........... because no matter how much time passes some words once spoken will never be forgotten ...................... or forgiven ................ there are some words that are just so hurtful that only removing yourself form the presence of the person and from the situation will bring a calm ................... and a healing of the hurt inflicted ...................... and eventually a forgiveness ...................

The bible calls us to forgive 70 x 7 times, but it also advised the disciples when they were treated badly to brush

the dust from their feet as they walked away from the place and to take with them all the blessings they had bestowed upon the household ..................... what to do ............ what to do ................ forgive or walk away .................

I think it is one of the saddest things, when someone cannot fight fair .......... they play childish games, such as name callings and the making up of lies to try and "catch" the person out, these games are only played by someone who has no back bone .............. someone who has nothing to offer ............. someone who is really so pitiful that you cannot help but feel sorry for them ............. because these people they have nothing to offer anyone ............ you see even if the relationship ends and they move on, who they are does not change, a leopard cannot change its spots ............. and what they are can be hidden for a while .................... they can pretend that they are "Mr Nice Guy" but who they are will surface and the cycle will be repeated until they are all alone again ....................

I have learnt that if one person thinks that are bad and 100 worthy people think you are good .................. you are probably good....................... however if you think you are good and this is confirmed by 100 people who drink, swear

and watch filth .................. you probably have a problem .....................................

The tongue is a mighty weapon that should be kept inside your mouth unless you are willing to accept the consequences of using it to hurt ............ belittle ............. and degrade others .............................. the tongue is one of the most powerful tools we have ................. such a pity that so few use it to uplift , motivate and encourage others it is just so much easier to use it to hurt and break people down ...........................

Pamper Party

When someone is getting married it is customary to give them a kitchen tea, in "the old days" this was because they were making a home for the first time, how times have changed.................... my daughter has been living away from home for 8 years so instead of the old fashioned kitchen tea, we decided to give her a pamper party ...........

We decided on a breakfast just to be different, and the bridesmaids liked the idea ........ so we booked at the Crazy Daisy tea garden, really because i am feeling very lazy, and really just don't have the strength for preparing food and

doing dishes ................ i think i am currently at arranging overload and am really feeling very washed out , so i decided for once to take the lazy route ............... thank goodness for sms's it is amazing how quickly you can arrange something using this amazing technology, within days those who could attend had accepted and the pamper party was a green .........................

It was amazing and a credit to my daughter as people were phoning me and asking when the party would be even before the invitations had been sent out ................ i remember i used to hate kitchen tea's they were just so boring, and the dressing up was really something which was really just not funny at all, so i decided to go with a sophisticated event, with a little juicy innuendo .....................

I am not sure how much of a surprise it was, as she knew something was coming, but what we did was certainly a

surprise ..........

We had breakfast, and then played some games, which were really fun, i think the most fun was when we played pass the parcel, it is amazing that no matter how old you are you don't want to be left holding that parcel when the "music" ends.................. We did make her do a few slightly embarrassing things, one of the things she had to do was ask 4 people for R 5.00 can you believe that people gave her R 50.00 ......................... ...

The gifts she received were all amazing, and with 22 people it was strange that she never received one duplication, everyone had purchased a different fragrance even though the product might have been the same ............ she was really spoilt, with hair products, .and the odd suggestive bra's and pyjama's not to mention of course the dice that my friend bought, ........... one dice represents places in the house ......... the other has positions on .................. need i say more ................. definately information overload for a mother ...................

We then sent her and two of her bridesmaids off to the spa for the afternoon......... they came back glowing and very very

relaxed ................................................

With only two weeks to the wedding i think that was just what she needed ..............

Wedding

My eldest daughter is getting married in 19 days, i am not quite sure if i am ready to be a mother-in-law?? Sounds like something that my Mom was .......... what does it mean to be a mother-in-law does it give me any responsibilities .........

does it give me the right to say what is on my mind .................. does it mean that i have lost my daughter to another

family ........ that she is no longer one of us but one of them .............

I can remember like it was yesterday the day we brought her home from the hospital, i lay her on the bed and said to my husband "What are we going to do with that" until you have a child of your own, and baby sitting does not count, because you always have the option of giving it back when you have had enough ..............you cannot imagine the full time commitment that it takes, the hours of worry, the sleepless nights, the constant challenge of whether what you are doing is right or not. The adverts and movies you see on TV are all false advertising, children don't go to bed by themselves, children don't eat their food at one without making a mess, children don't potty train overnight, children don't just speak in full sentences ..........Children puke ........ poo ........ cry ............. and want constant undivided attention .

My daughter is very artistic and has done most things herself for the wedding, her own invitations, her own flower boxes has made her own candles, her own wedding favors .................. she has always been creative she has always loved being by herself and making things, whether it was beads, or paintings, or clothes or scrap booking photos ......... she was always happiest when she was creating something where did this come from, even stick men are a problem for me, and i am really not sure about my husband because when something needed drawing he seldom offered to help. In fact as i look back i realize that my husband rarely spend much time with the children at all, i cannot remember him ever helping with homework, i was always the one to go to parent evenings, i was the one to fetch and carry to and from parties, to and from school ........................ is this why my daughter is so independent, so set in her ways, so strong willed, not needing anyone for anything, is this what she got from me, is this the legacy that i am leaving her ........

When you look back at them at their hangups which you know you caused, because of your hang ups because of your own inability to have a proper relationship, because of your quest to be the perfect mother. Children should come with an instruction manual, so that you know when you are doing it right and when you are doing it wrong ............

A friend of mine often says that we are all born winners, but are conditioned losers ........ and it is so true a child is capable of anything, we as parents keep telling them they can't .................. one of the first words a child learns is

no .......................... don't .................... naughty ...................

I know that i tried to be a better parent than my parents were, and i hope that she will improve on the kind of parent i was to her ....................... but more than anything i hope than one day she will look back and be able to thank me for who she is .........................

Sick Sick Sick

What is wrong with some people, they just hate to see others happy and filled with joy, peace and happiness, that it becomes a cancer eating them up inside they become so sick, depraved, that they have to invent things, they have to invent lies to make themselves feel better, they have to invent lies because if they didn't they would have to accept, they have to take some of the blame they have to take responsibility for some of the problems that they have in their lives, it is so easy to blame .................... parents, teachers, siblings, wives children, to blame others for lost years, for their unhappiness but at the end of the day, we all have a choice, a choice to either wallow in your unforgiveness, and your blame, and your self pity ............... or you can pick yourself up and decide that no matter what you are going to be the master of your own destiny ................ i know that is the road that i have taken................

These people live in a world that is dark and full of hate they have lost the ability to see just how sick, they have become, that , what they are thinking and saying truly is filled with darkness .................... they have lost the ability to reason with what is true and what is a lie, in fact they convince themselves, they so desperately need to be right, that they, believe themselves they convince themselves that their lies are real, they convince themselves that what their sick minds are thinking is true…………… they fabricate proof, witnesses to try and convince or convict those they are accusing ....... l all because they just need it to be true, to validate what they are doing, to validate the disturbed life they are living…………. unless you yourself are guilty, you could never dream up the lies .............. unless you are living them ......... yourself ................. but to ease your conscience you need to blame someone ..........

What they never stop to consider is that once something is said, it can never be taken back, and each time they lay blame, each time they insult, each time they accuse of things that deep down inside they know could never be true.......... it builds a wall between them and the person they are wrongly accusing, it builds a wall that becomes thicker and thicker that one day they will realise that the wall has been plaster and painted and nothing can ever take it down............................. The pain, the hurt, and the anger has gone to deep that the good times are forgotten, in the mist, and the clouds of the hurt ..................

Weekend

What an amazing weekend this was, and I think it was because it was the first time in a long time that me and my daughters have spent an entire day together, without any arguing.

Friday night I did not feel like being alone at home so went to the Wimpy for a coffee, I took a newspaper and thought that I would read

well when I came to put my glasses on I had left them at home, so the only part of the newspaper I could read was the headings and even those had to be quite large for me to see them without my glasses, I felt really stupid ……………

We drove through to Krugersdorp on Saturday morning, to go and decide on the decorations that my daughter wanted for the top of her cup cake wedding cake. That was done in a jiffy a shop called the Cup Cake Connexion had some really amazing cakes, so of course we bought ourselves a whole load of cup cakes, they are absolutely evil, once you have one you really just cannot stop, I normally don’t like chocolate cake, but these cup cakes were chocolate, topped with caramel and then topped again with chocolate.

The only misfortune was my sister as trying to avoid going into the traffic in reverse she had a slight altercation with a lamp post……….. it just jumped out behind her, luckily the only damage was a broken tail light and loss of face because boy was she embarrassed.

The we needed to find something to put the cup cakes on , so off ,too another shop we went, they did not have what we were looking for, so we went to a glass shop, well I can imagine what Alice must have felt went she landed up in Wonderland, it was amazing, class in every colour every size, every design, we had no problems what so ever finding what we wanted, and the prices were a third of what you would pay anywhere else, so I will definitely be going back there…………

Then we went for breakfast, I had smoked salmon, absolute delicious, Wimpy and Steers breakfasts, although good just cannot compare ..…

with one of these amazing breakfasts.

Then we hit the shops we had one hour to find my daughter a pair of shoes for her wedding, well 20 shops later the last pair of shoes she tried on ………. presto she found the shoes she was looking for …..

and then I realized if we had gone around the shopping centre the other way it would have been in the first shop we went into ………………

The we rushed back to Heidelberg for a meeting with the lady at the wedding venue, it is all becoming so real, I think I am beginning to get panic attacks, in a few days time, she will not be my little girl anymore she will be someone else’s wife ………………………

The we rushed back to Monte Casino for supper at John Dory, we sat on the top floor looking out over the fountains, the food was lovely but just once I would like to go there and not have to rush because we were going to the theatre for the production of Cats, it was amazing the costumes, the lighting, the songs, the acting, one of the cats pounced on my youngest daughter and she almost pounced into her sisters lap. I cannot believe that it lasted 3 hours the time went so quickly.

We switched off the lights at about 1 o’clock and then I was woken by a scream that would have made the cats in the concert very proud, my youngest daughter was in such pain, she was as white as a sheet, and she looked awful, I gave her my normal cure all Panado, and after 20 minutes she was still in pain, I took her through to the emergency section of the hospital. They called out the docter, and it could be a number of things, but the gave her an injections and as soon as the pain had subsided they allowed us to go home………. What a way to finish the day ………………..

Levy and the Cats

Last week we had to take our cat Peroni to be neutered, this because he had begun to leave his mark on my furniture, I was happy to leave himwith balls, until I sat on the couch the other day and got the first hand whiff of what he had been up to .

I have spoken before about the close bond between our dog Levy And the cat Peroni, when Peroni was a few weeks old Levy found him and adopted him, as his own.Monday evening I picked up the cat, put it in the basket and off we go to the vet, the cat made a valiant attempt to escape but my daughter was stronger and we arrived there with no mishaps, the cat still firmly secured in the basket, I felt quite guilty leaving him there, there was a storm brewing and Peroni hates storms.

When we got home however it was a different story, Levy could not understand where the cat was, he knew that he had gone in the car, but also knew that he had not come out, he kept me awake the whole night he wanted to keep on looking inside the car, to let the cat out he was convinced he was still in there somewhere……………..

On Tuesday off we went to pick up the cat, I mentioned to my daughter that I hope that he is groggy so that we don’t have to fight with him all the way home, her words and I quote “ Mom he is going to be pissed, you just cut off his balls” …………………….

When we went into the vet, he couldn’t think why we were there and my daughter in her inimitable style said “ We have come for the cat without the balls” ever the elegant conversationalist………………. Makes me wonder what I was paying for during the 12 years she went to school.

At home Levy was thrilled to see his friend he had missed him so much however, we were destined to have problems and all was not well obviously Peroni smelt very different because of the anesetic and our other cat, Rocky thought that we had brought home another cat, and all hell broke loose, every time the two cats came in contact with one another they would fight, Levy the knight in shining armour would come to Peroni’s defense and this continued all night ……………. And I mean all night……………………….

The vet had said that we must keep the cat indoors for the evening, and Peroni is not an inside cat, he loves the outdoors, so it was quite a mission every time someone opened the door, he was like a bullet to get outside, eventually he gave up and went to the loo in the kitty litter, something he hates. About 10 minutes later I was on the computer and I heard water running, in my mind I wondered what it was and when it continued i got up to have a look, and there was Levy ………………. Relieving himself in the kitty litter ……………………… and in typical male fashion, his aim left a lot to be desired ………………………………

Manners

What is wrong with people today, it would appear that a large majority of the “younger” generation are just not taught, or if they are conveniently forget them.

One of the worst problems I experience everyday is time keeping, I was told by my parents that if your start work at 8 o’clock then you are at work for 7.45 you then go and use the “convenience’ if necessary, you get your cup of tea or coffee and you are at your desk ready to work at 8 o’clock…….. not 1 minute past, not 2 minutes past ………

The height of rudeness is to be late for anything, work, a meeting, a hair appointment , a doctors appointment, a house viewing appointment, someone else’s wedding, your wedding, church, a concert, a live show, an anything at all ………………… it is rude to be late, is shows that you think that your time is more important that the person you have kept waiting.

The African time concept, is a concept developed by people with no manners to justify their tardiness …………..

Then we have my next favourite knocking when you enter a room, today even though I am almost 50 years old, which is no where near as old as my friend who is already 50, I STILL knock when I enter a room that has anyone in it, a bedroom, a boardroom, a doctors room, a toilet room, any room at all do the people of these times not know that it is rude to barge in without announcing their presence first………… but there is something worse than this, barging in when you are on the phone…… and then they just begin talking to you ……………….. do the not see the phone attached to your ear, do they not see the large decidedly ugly instrument in your hand resting against your head, is there somehow, something that miraculously makes it disappear, when people enter your office, that you are the only person who sees the phone, to everyone else these devises are invisible………………..

And then there is dare is say it …... the sniffing and snotting …........ Do they not know that the way to do it is to blow your nose into a tissue or an handkerchief, it is not to blow as hard as you can, until the snot becomes airborne, and is sent like a shower of snot into the air, to land who knows where……… a habit to the civilized society, is to disgusting to contemplate……………… and even worse instead of blowing your nose you take a deep breath, and re-inhale it to …………….. the place that re-inhaled snot goes to …………………………..

Oh wait there is one more thing that we cannot miss ………. the next to the car ………… up the wall ………….. against a tree ………. in a gully …………. behind an electrical box ……. Relieving yourself of not only bodily fluids, but of whatever else can be evacuated at the same time ………………. Not in private, now where they cannot be seen …….. but right there in full view…….. for the entire world to see …………….. what exactly is wrong with people today ……………………..

Who are you

A few blogs ago I spoke about how we wear a mask, and how people very rarely see the true person, that we are, I however am beginning to believe that if someone cares enough they will always be able to see through the mask, if they are willing to try a little harder, they will always be able to break down the walls, the masks we put on are actually to protect ourselves from the hurt and the pain that is inflicted on us, in the place that should be our sanctuary our homes…………..

This is the place where we should be built up, the place that we can go, to for comfort, for guidance, for direction, for assistance, for love, and most of all for acceptance of ourselves just the way we are, with all our imperfections, with all our problems with all our hang-ups………….

Instead of this we get ridicule, insults, and abuse ……….. either mental abuse being told that you are ugly, stupid, no one would want you, and my personnal favourite that you am so evil the church should collapse when you enter it …… and the swearing the foul language…… all of this whether you partner likes to see it or not is mental abuse………..

Or emotional abuse where you are not good enough to ever go out with your partner, to ever be taken out in a one to one setting, not good enough to have the partner pay their way, or take any responsibility for the lives of their children, not good enough to have there love, but you are always good enough when they have “THE NEED”, then all of a sudden, your nickname is used, and boy are they so sweet, and then they wonder why you just cringe at their touch, and want nothing to do with them…………. Which then starts the mental abuse again because now you are having an affair, and you are seeing someone and you are “getting it “ somewhere else …………… when in fact they are the problem but they would never see that because in their eyes they are perfect, to themselves they are “demi gods” who can never do any wrong and anything that goes wrong is always someone else’s fault ………. Normally yours …………………

Then there is the physical abuse, all this is just to make themselves feel better, to make themselves be someone ……….. when in fact it makes them a nobody ……….. a poor excuse for a human.

All of these abuses, show an inferiority complex, shows a part of their character which is so none existent that they need to makes other feel small, so that they can feel big, as this is probably the only time in their lives when they actually feel like they are someone……… like they are better than someone else…..

Then I got to thinking is it just the people we live with that brings out the very worst in, us, because we were never really meant to be together, our outlooks , our views on life, our desire to help others, our need for friendship, and our need to be accepted as we are, was really never part of the relationship to start with we just thought that it was there.

What I do know is that everyone has their breaking point, that time, when it is time to cut their losses and move on ……. To leave the abuse behind

And find someone who can appreciate them for who they are ………. Not who they think they are ………. Or who they want them to be .