People

People never cease to amaze me, i really feel sorry for people who have so little in their own lives, that they have to "steal" the excitement of other peoples lives to feel like they belong, to feel like they have any worth at all. They take facts and twist them to mean whatever they need them to mean, because to look inside themselves to look into the empty, useless shells that they are would be to admit that they are of no value to anyone ................. they would have to admit the mess they have made or their lives ................ they would have to admit, that no one actually cares where they live or die.

They attack with whatever they can think off without thinking of either the actions or the consequences, because believe me that all actions have consequences, they attack , whatever , they know you love the most, trying to dig for information that they want to be there, they need to be there, because if it is not they will have to admit that they were wrong. For me i can laugh it off, and smile in amusement, as you would watching a child take its first steps towards adult hood, you see, i have a God who knows every deed i have done, and loves me anyway ........................... a God who know i am human and forgives me anyway ....................... a God who planned my life from the day i was born, and brings me back to his path if every i should stray and protects me with his grace anyway .................. and the the best part is that God promises you will be judged as you have judged, so i really feel sorry for someone who makes false accusations, someone who invents things you have done, someone who judges you by their own warped versions of what they want the truth to be .................. NO ......... what they need the truth to be ............. boy do i want to be a fly on the wall that day .................. revenge is mine says the Lord............ so i know i don't need to do anything i just need to sit back, and be the best person i can be ......... best part of trying to be like Christ, is as a Christian i will always have tomorrow to try and be better, i will always have tomorrow to try harder to be the person Jesus wants me to be ............ unlike those who accuse falsely because they need to pray that tomorrow, is not the date of their appointment with God, because wow............. are they going to have a lot of explaining to do, and if your name is not in that Book of Life ...................... revenge is mine says the Lord.

I always tell my children , if someone insults you, or are nasty to you, it is because you have something they want, you are

someone they want to be, or you attract people that they would like to have as friends .......... are they just not very sad

people to be pitied, and prayed for........ and for us it is a test ............. of patience ............ a test of strength .............. a test of anger management ................. a test of perseverance .................... a test of the power of prayer.

Those people will always be the little people, they will never know what it is like to be blessed, they will live in their little houses surrounded by their little fairy lights, and life, joy, happiness, love, and faith will just pass them by, and all they will have at the end of it all, is the false person they are, in body soul and spirit, all they will have is their tiny little fairy lights, to light up their tiny little minds ...........................

Happy 50th Birthday

Yesterday was my friends 50th birthday, i cannot believe it, we have been friends for 37 years............................. .. i can remember the first time we met like it was yesterday, we met the first year at high school it was initiation day and we had to do all weird things like put one of our shoes in a big pile and then try to find it, we had to carry a pet in a match box, we had to wear our hats the wrong way round, we survived the day together and have been friends ever since, we were always the "smartest" kids in school i suppose today we would have been in the "nerd" group, it was either her or I who were top in the class in every subject, i remember she was the first one to get a TV and we would rush to her house in the afternoon sometimes so that i could watch the repeat, over the years as our own lives became complicated by husbands, children and careers, we have had times when communications were reduced to a few times a year but we never lost touch with one another....... and is that not what a true friend is, to be there when they need you, to just be there when the other is in trouble................

Now we speak to one another daily, we have over the past 4 or 5 years grown closer than ever before, i must admit we have sometimes, on the "odd" occasion, no longer been the goody two shoes from school, we have on occasion been very creative, but that is another story, which i doubt i will ever tell, if we have not heard from one another by lunch time we start getting withdrawal systems, it is almost like we compliment one another, like Jeckel and Hyde ..... like Laurel and Hardy ..... like Abbot and Costello ........... like night and day ........ like sunrise and sunset, we are completed different from one another and yet just the same .............we don't need to explain we just know what kind of day the other is having by the word HELLO .............. and that says it all. We have similar outlooks on life we have similar moral values and more that that we serve the same Lord. ................. what more could you ask for in a friend ................ The bible says better to have a good friend when you fall than to be alone...............

I always rag her at this time of the year, because she is now older than me by a whole 45 days, but she is now 50 a quarter of a century she is REALLY old and i am only 49 and 320 days which now feels like much younger that her.

Her daughter gave her a surprise birthday party on Sunday and for me it was like going to one of my own family functions, catching up with her brothers, the sister and brother in laws, the nieces and the nephews and the great nieces, her son and daughter and their "better" halves what an amazing time it was.

There is nothing like a get together of people who know one another well, there are no airs and graces, there is no need to be someone else, you can just be you.......... warts and all.

When i was 16 i had a major crush on my friend's brother, but he seemed to be so much older, married with children, and now it is like we are the same age, as you grow older the age gap just seems to disappear.

Much fun was had by all, as usual you had the "You should have , i could have , why didn't you tribe there .......... but it always amazes me how the people with the biggest mouths do the least work. I was so proud of what her daughter did, everything was done with love no everything was done with LOVE and isn't that what family is all about.................

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my special friend, may you have many more, and i hope that i NEVER catch up with you................... well at least not for another 45 days anyway ......................................

Life is hard

I have been on a high for a few weeks now and today i came down to earth with a bang, for some reason i was just too tired for anything today, i actually slept this afternoon something that i never do, that in my life i could count on one hand how many times it has happened,

but if feels like after the high of the retreat, the real world is creeping back and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot keep up the high .......... and i wonder if everyone else is feeling that way to .......................

My "bestest" friend in the whole world really worried me with something she said on Friday, that she was feeling old, and she felt like she wouldn't have a long life, just thinking of my life without her friendship, without her guidance, without her laughter, without her wisdom, without her pointing out the "mistakes" i make, makes me want to cry ................. and i pray that she will be uplifted mightily because i know her work here is far from done.

Then i have my husband, i said at a recent talk that i did, that i am worthy, that i deserve the best, i deserve to be loved, i deserve to have someone who will take care of me, and love me for who i am with all my faults, i went on a "mission impossible" tonight, one of those stupid things you do when you want to find something, but hope that you won't because you know that if you do find something ........ you will be ripped out of your comfort zone, and be forced to make a change ......... forced to make that decision that you have been putting off for years, years that have been spent, hoping praying that somehow, somewhere, my husband will change into the shiny knight on the white horse, that he will become the Richard Gere, coming up that escalator with the single red rose ............. that he will become the Richard Gere in Pretty Woman who takes you away from your life as you know it, and gives you the world because he loves you ....... or Vin Diesel who will avenge the wrong that was done to you until he has destroyed everyone involved ................... Or Patrick Swaze in Ghost as he came back from the dead to protect the one he loved ............. that is what i want .............

i have had enough and i want my share ........................ i want something back i want something in return ...... i feel like i have given so much, that i have been "almost" patient and now i want something as a reward for all i have given ................ is that selfish......

And then i have the "race " problem i am living in a house where one daughter is as racist as they come, and the other daughter, would like nothing more than to be black ..................

I have tried to be understanding ............. i have tried to take her to their church .......... i have even taken her to a restaurant to have supper with one ................ ( where as it happened a white boy came up to her and asked her did she know that her date was black) it made me realize in these time of adjustment how much trouble she is heading for, and i had to tell her that although i will always be her mom, and will always love her, i do not and will not ever believe in marraiges between cultures and although i may have to accept it because it is her life i will never agree with it ............... am i wrong ........... life is so hard as it is, and to start life with that rope around your neck ........ what chance is there of happiness ................

Small world

What a small world this is, gone are the days where you can do things and not be seen by someone who knows you. You can be anywhere in the country, anywhere in the world and you could and probably will run into someone that you know……………

When you talk to someone, you always find out that they know someone who knows someone who knows your great Aunt Martha or your Great Uncle Burt.

You have to be careful to what you say and what you do ………. because someone is watching.

A couple of weeks ago my daughter did not get a lift with me to work, I used to drive alone everyday and sometimes really miss the time alone, where I could play my music and sing along to my hearts content ………….. anyway last Tuesday I had such a day, I had the music on full blast, and was singing along, probably doing a bit of hand clapping and some “car “ dancing ……………….. the next day I ran into a friend who asked me if I had seen him waving at me on the highway the previous day, when I explained probably not told him the whole story no time alone in the car ……… he told me he knows he saw me ………………….. and it was not a pretty sight ………………..

A few weeks ago we went to a shopping centre 1 ½ hours away from home, and we came out of a shop and ran into someone we knew from Heidelberg ……….. in fact someone who is from the cell I go to and we are like family, I mean what are the chances.

A few years ago we were in a place called Pilgrims rest and we ran into the people who owned the land next to us in Koster about 750 km away ………….

Even further back is when my husband worked at a company who had hired a temp lady, for a few days, they were chatting and she was telling how her aunt had lived in a house in Heidelberg and she had visited there for years, when they got talking turned out we lived in the house that used to belong to her Aunt, she gave us some old photos of the house when her aunt lived there, with horse drawn carts outside the front veranda and the garden as it used to be.

Then a few months after this I was at my sisters house and I met a lady who was the aunt of a friend of my sister……… turns out her sister lived in Heidelberg and yes you have got it …………. her sister was the aunt of the lady my husband had met at work all those months before ………… what a small world.

Facebook is making the world even smaller I was on facebook the other night when I realized that a friend of mine, was friends with the woman who had, had an affair with my husband for three years ………. I was taken back by seeing the name again after all this time, so inquired how they knew each other, turns out he did not know her , she had invited him…….. what kind of person invites people they don’t know ………. Oh wait a minute I do know ………. Doesn’t that just say it all. Well that is one friendship that was deleted before it even began ………. Your past always catches up with you Some where ……………. Some time ……………. Some place …………… Some how ………. Best thing is you just have to wait and watch for the “show’ to begin …………..

Mother in law

Having to say goodbye to my mother in law made me start thinking about how little I knew of her, how little we had ever chatted I never knew that she got married in a magistrates court and not in church, it was during the war, and my father in law did not want to wait until he got shore leave again, because it could have been months, and I am sure that with her families influence he was afraid that she would be influenced into changing her mind. My father in law I am sure was not the kind of husband that her parents were looking for, for their daughter, but as my youngest daughter pointed out if they had not got married, then she would never have born…………………………
She was always someone who stayed in the back ground, who never voiced her opinion, who never asked to go anywhere, who never shared her dreams and her desires, who I think had a very hard life, as the “sailor’ she married was the boss, what he said, when he said it and how he said it, was just accepted…………….
But thinking back there were happy times, there were times when we were able to bring her out of herself and have a good laugh with her, normally about something she had done.
Like the time we used to stable our horse on the farm where they stayed, and one day my daughter was standing there, holding her horse and “Granny” came out and asked
Where is the horse, i can remember the disbelief on my daughters face, i mean how much bigger did the horse have to be for her to see it??
Like the time when we went to visit, and no one was supposed to have had lunch, all the ladies had tea and cake , and all the men had liver and onions, but everyone was
Trying to pretend they had not, and she said to “Grandpa” have you Eeeten, and he could not admit it, and again she said have you Eeeten……….. and when he came clean and admitted it, is was a case of have you Eeeten, have you Eeeten and it turned out everyone except her had Eeeten.
Like the time, when my daughter laughed at everything she said, and then “Granny’
Laughed, and then my daughter laughed and they ended up rolling on the carpet, no one actually knowing what they were laughing at or why the were in fact laughing….
Like the time my eldest daughter stayed there in the school holidays and they had what she called “button soup” as there was nothing in it, and it was the best nothing soup she had ever tasted.
Like the family lunches we had when the kids were growing up, the food was alway great, she was a great chef, we all just stayed away from the soup, because we had seen what "Grandpa" put into it......... i remember the tomato with the worm in................... not joking............ talk about extra protein ................
I think her daughter summed her up well in the farewell letter she wrote for the funeral, she was the gentlest, kindest person, she had ever know, she would miss those days where they laughed about absolutely nothing, she had never spoken ill of, or hurt anyone how many of us can say that is true of us ...........................

Goodbye

Last Sunday night i got one of those calls we all hate, at 12.30 am my phone rang, and as i answered i heard "Moms gone" at first i could not understand what the caller was saying, as i did not know who it was, and then the words again, "Moms gone", in my half sleeping state i still not not connect the words to something that meant anything to me, as my Mom died 4 years ago and my Dad almost 6 years ago, and then i heard its Dad, Mom's gone............ and the realisation that my mother in law had passed away began to sink in. He gave me the details how she had died while watching tv and knitting a blanket for my daughter she had, had a heart attack. I told him i would get his son to call him back and then i had the task of telling my husband his Mom had just died. There was no tears just disbelief and a whole lot of questions................ we talked into the night, because he wanted to share memories of his Mom with me. I had never really gotten close to her, she was a very quiet, timid person with not much to say and completely controlled by time. i remember once arriving there after a 12 hour trip and desperate for tea, only to be told that it was not yet time for tea.................................. i could not believe it.
My husband did not want to fly down for the funeral, because that would have taken 4 hours and he hates airports so instead he wanted to drive which entailed about 9 hours of driving, because "apparently" that is how long it took him to do the trip in December . So Wednesday afternoon we began the trip to our over night stop. We should have been there by 7 pm but with all the road works there was 5 one way stages where we had waits from 20 to 10 minutes, and then you had to drive slowly because you were either on dirt, on half tar, half dirt or were balancing on the edge of what appeared to be the new road, we eventually arrived at our destination at 9.30 starving because we had not had lunch or supper, we stopped at a restaurant and then arrived at where we were going to spend the night at about 11.30 absolutely exhausted. When we woke up the next morning the view was worth it all, absolutely spectacular but even more so was our own private sulpher pool. The smell left a lot to be disired like someone who had been eating eggs and it had been " fermenting' in their bowels for weeks, you had to almost not breath to get past the smell, but the experience was well worth it. Tiny bubbles, come out of the ground and as they come up they stick to your skin, so you are almost completely covered in little bubbles you felt like
a big bubble in your bubble bath, as you touched your skin they would all release and float to the surface of the pool. After an hour or so, our stomachs and the road were calling us to go on, i can tell you my skin has never felt so soft.
We arrived at our destination 24 hours after we had left home, actual driving time 12 hours............. someone lied.............
We then had to go to the hall to set up the tables for the next day, i am afraid i gave the old goats a heart attack, the layout of the tables was awful and so i "rearraged" the furniture much to their horror as it had never been done like that before, but the next day they had to give in and agreed it not only looked better but was also had much more functunaltiy.......... one for the younger generation...................................
My youngest daughter loves going to EL she loves her cousin, whenever she sees him, she runs takes one leap and ends up hanging form his neck, she couldn't see him on Thursday when we arrived as he was working so the first time she saw him was at the funeral, i saw her expression when she saw him and it was almost in slow motion she started running towards him and all i could think of was please don't jump ........................ please don't jump not exactly apppropriate behavior for a funeral....................
The funeral was much bigger than i expected with approx 60 people there, it is sad when families drift so far apart that they
only get to see one another at weddings and funerals, the minister was very good, talking about the fact that death was one appointment that you could not delay, cancel or postpone, so you had better be prepared..........................
I did not cry at all, until i had to read my sister in laws letter to her mom, and that was probably the hardest thing i have ever had to do................ the tears just flowed as memories of my own mom came flooding back.............................
My father in law took it badly when he realised that the coffin had gone and for the first time ever i really felt sorry for him, because i really don't know how he will cope without my mother in law ...........................
The wake was like a family reunion full of promises to keep in touch to visit one another promises that seem to fade faster than falling snow flakes as people get back to their own lives.................

Emseni Retreat

What a hectic few weeks I have had all culminating in the Enseni woman’s
retreat last weekend.
Unless you were there you really cannot understand the type of weekend we had, it was absolutely filled with the Holy Spirit from the time we arrived until the time we left, we had confirmation after confirmation that the Lord was present.
We started the weekend with supper, taking everyone out of their comfort zones by making them choose a colour and then they had to sit at the table matching that colour, forcing people to mix with and get to know one another and we did this for every meal.
We then started with the mask………. A poem about how we hid ourselves behind masks, I wore a mask which I think had a big impact. And then the
Message about the mask, about privacy and keeping things to ourselves.
The friend who had helped organized the retreat and I then gave our testimonies. I had written mine out, but the Lord was having none of that, and I spoke from the heart, there was hardly a dry eye , including mine when we had finished.
Up at 6 am on Saturday for pyjama prayers, what an awesome time, spending time with God in the early morning, at the end of prayers I was led to say Be still and know that I am God, which was the confirmation for one of the ladies present that the Lord was there because that was exactly what she had been thinking.
The it was Wanda Bam, who came to share her message, and lead us in praise and worship, all I can say is WOW we started at 8.30 and finished the first section at 11.00 and it was like a few minutes had passed , we finished off the day at about 12.30 and everyone was emotionally drained and spiritually full, so we broke until after lunch.
We started the lessons after lunch and it really was just amazing how the ladies took to the answering of question, of praying into the prayers.
We continued in this mode until after supper, we then had a movie, which was again WOW although bought before the final programme was decided it fitted completely in with the whole day, very funny but also very thought provoking.
We were all given a rock, and after the movie, everyone was given time to off load all their problems into the rock and lay it at the foot of the cross.
With the lights still off from the movies, it was a very emotional time.
Then we had the praise and worship, had technical trouble so we could not play the last song, but decided to go ahead with communion so that the mood was not spoiled. Again this was a WOW moment, the table setting almost shimmered in the candle light, it was one of the most spiritual moments I have had, we served everyone communion and then there was to be silence until PJ prayers the next morning.
Up at 6 am no urn, for coffee not a good way to start the day. Prayers at
7 am what an experience. During prayers I had an ‘urge” to start singing, I could not believe it, I just don’t sing….. anyway I was obedient and began singing, afterwards the other leader asked why I chose that song, it was the last song of the night before that we had been unable to play……… talk about the presence of the Holy Spirit. i am really thankful that the ladies could not talk, imagine 26 people complaining they could not have tea or coffee.
Managed to get tea from the main canteen after getting access codes. Had such fun with the awards, like best idea, turning the stone into a friend with ears and eyes, most game, for taking part in everything, three musketeers, no matter how hard I tried, had every lunch together ,etc then church, where very few people remembered to bring money for the collection. Then we had a quick quiz, which I went on to a quiz site on the internet, and all those I got wrong I used for the quiz. I was glad to see that no one got all the answers right, even though they used their bibles to look up the answers.
Then I was time for last praise and worship and time to go home…….
That is when my moment came, a few years ago I watch a DVD by Joyce Meyer, and in the DVD she tells of how she had asked for a sign that she was on the right track, that she was not doing her own thing, she shares , of how a woman came up to her after one of her presentation and said, she was not quite sure why but she wanted to give her a bracelet, it was a bracelet that had the colours on that represent Faith, love, joy , peace and happiness, and I clearly remember thinking at the time. “ Ja, right God who actually does that”, a mean come on who gives away their jewelry..........................................

As we closed at the end of the retreat a lady came up to me, who I had only know for 3 days, and said to me…..

“She is not sure why but something is telling her that she needs to give me her bracelet, she took the bracelet off her arm, a bracelet which has the colours in of faith, love, joy, peace and happiness” And I knew that this was a message from the Lord, that he was telling me I had “done good”.