Why

What is it, what has changed.... i always enjoyed my job and yet in the last few months, it is almost as though something has changed, for the first time in my life i understand how people feel, when they say they don't want to go to work, i have never had to drag.......... myself out of bed in the morning and yet now i find myself taking 5 more minutes............ 5 more minutes..............5 more minutes..............
I am trying to pin point the exact moment when i started to feel differently.............................. was it in hospital when I was sick, was it because i was sick and had to lie still, i had time to think about what i put in and what i get out......... and came to the conclusion i put in much more than i get out much, much, much more. That i had time to think of my lousy cell phone, my computer without sound, and my printer black and white only that jams every two minutes and eats toner for breakfast, lunch and supper.............. was it then that i started to think that i was getting a raw deal, which i had always put up with, because i am the better person, because i didn't want to upset the apple cart, because i am a Christian and my faith makes me want to endure some kind of hardships...............
Was it when i was at home for the week, when i still could not do much, but play around on the computer, read and write these blogs................
Was it when i went on the QAD training and realised that everyone had heard of me, everyone knew who i was because, they were being told constantly that they needed a debtors book like mine, that they needed to get information from me, how i did it, that they wanted me to go down to their branches and help them.......................
Was it when i heard i had the best days, over 90 days and best cashflow in Omnia................ and why, why do i push myself, why do it bother, it is sometimes like i am the only one who cares, and i am hitting my head against a brick wall............ is it worth it......................... do i want to be in the secular world, or should i be looking at something more rewarding, some where i can make a difference ....................... can i even change now would the shock be to great for this old heart.................
Why was i born in a time, when we were taught to always do our best no matter what, to always give all that you can, and be the very best you can be, that you must be loyal to your company and treat everything as though you were doing it for yourself................... why could i not be born in a time, when tomorrow was another day, when you did what you needed to get through the day, and if you messed up some "fairy godmother" would come and wave a magic wand and make it all right...
Why do i knock when i enter or room, or wait until the person is off the phone before i enter, why do i wait to be asked to be seated before i sit down................... why do i let me elders go first ( although they are becoming less and less as i get older)......
why do i say excuse me when i go between two people talking in the passage......................... why do i say please and thank you when someone does something for me, why do i greet when i go into an office..................... Why am i feeling like this................