Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Aging


As  a child  my  Mom  used  to tell me  that  if  i  pulled  funny faces,  my face  would  stay  like that  if  the  wind  changed,    as  a  child  just  like  i  believed  in  Santa  Claus,  the  Easter  Bunny  and  the  Tooth  Fairy,  i  believed  her  and  really  tried  not  to pull any  ugly  faces,  especially  if  the  wind  was  blowing................. thank  goodness,  i  did  not  live  at the coast  where  the  wind  never  stops  blowing,  who  knows  what  kind  of  trouble  i  would  be  in  now ..............
As  i look  in  the mirror  now, having  just  had  my FIFTIETH  birthday,  i see the  wrinkles,  i see the  ever deepening  laugh lines  around  my  mouth,   i  see the small  age  lines  on  my  neck,  and  i realised  that  it  may  be  years  later,  but  i am  sure ..........  no  convinced .......... that  i am  now  being  punished  for  all those  ugly  faces  i  pulled  as  a  child,  and that  nature  is  having  its  revenge  and  it  is  not  the wind  that  is  taking   revenge,  no, revenge   is  being  taken by gravity ....................
There  is  nothing  that  is  not  sagging,  slowly,  but   surely  making  its  way  down  south ........  and  when  it  reaches  true  south   just  what  happens  then .......................
The  "ties"  birthdays  i  have  always  hated,  the  20's ,  the  30's,  the  40's  i  cried  all day,  i  just  did  not want  to make that  transition  that  crawl   from  being  a  teenager,   to  being  in  the twenties,  that  step  from  being  a  twenty  something  "girl"  to  a  thirty  something  "woman",  and  then  there  was  the  jump  from  being  thirty  something  
 "woman"  to  being " middle  aged"  lady  a   "tannie"  at  fourty  something.............  and  as  my FIFTIETH  birthday  came  as  i took  that  leap  from  being  the "tannie"  to  being  ????? 
I  am  Fifty,  and  as  i look  at  my face,  every  line  has  been  earned,  every  laugh  line is  caused  just by  that,  years  of laughter,  years  of  seeing  the  funny  side  of  all situations,  years  of  smiling  because  even  with  its  problems,  even  when  the  days  were  sometimes  raining  and  dark,  there  was  always  something  to  smile  about,  there  was  always  something  which  made  it  all  worth  while  there  was  always  something  that  made it  fun  to  get  up  in  the 
mornings.......................  as  i  look  at the  wrinkles,  each  one  is  earned .........  years  of  being  a mother,   sleepless nights, hours  in  doctors  rooms,  hours  in  hospitals,   broken  bones,  broken  hearts .............. years of  being  a career
woman,  years  of  deadlines,  years  of budgets,  forecasts,  accounts  hours  of  sleepless nights  trying  to get  accounts  to  balance,  budgets  to  balance,  employees   lives  to balance ............  years  of  being  a wife ,  fears  of  of self  doubt,  of  self  worth,  of never  being  good  enough ...........
And  now  i am  fifty ..............  still in great health,  thinner  than  70%  of the  population........... smarter  than   80 % of  the  population............  and  more  energy  than  90 %  of  the  population ....................... and  a  greater  desire  to change  everything  in  this  my  sixth  decade  than  99.9999%  of  the  population..........  so  next  time  i look  in  the mirror  i  will smile  because  life  is  good ..................




And   i  will  be  thankful  because  i  could have  had  all these  problems ...................

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