The Breakfast

We spent a fantastic time in East London, with our family over the Christmas period, and in order to thank them for their hospitality i arranged to take them to the Fish River Sun for breakfast, my brother in law is always saying how great it is, and how much he enjoys going. I assumed that it was expensive so with that in mind we made the arrangements to go on Sunday the day before we left.
My brother in law sent us all off to bed early because we had to get up early, so we could leave early, we had an hours drive and he wanted to get there , before all the food ran out............. He was like a child before Christmas, he kept on giving us timing countdowns............ 30 minutes to go ............ 20 minutes to go ................ 10 minutes to go ......
He even asked us earlier if we had been to the "Chinbutzi" to off load to make space for the breakfast, by this time i was getting really worried as to how much this was going to cost me, luckily i had my credit card, so was ready for anything, and no matter the cost i would have still done it to say thank you ............
We arrived at exactly 8.30 and the breakfast began ............................. we were now eating all out to get our monies worth........................ I started with, grapefuit juice and Meusli with Bulgarian Yoghurt and fresh fruit mmmmmmmmmmmmm, I then , had champagne and orange juices and bacon, sausage, (the best pork sausage i have ever tasted), tomato mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, no bread allowed because that fills you, and you can't then get your monies worth ................. I then had a second breakfast of guava juice sausage, bacon and an omelete with cheese mushrooms mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm by now i am feeling a little full, but in line with "getting my monies worth" i went back a mango juice and a bowl of fruit, melons, strawberries, guava's oranges grapefruit mmmmmmmmmmm by now i was ready to open the button of my trousers and begining to feel somewhat full, did i stop no way, i was going to make quite sure that i was going to eat what i paid for so ..................... i had an orange juice and a waffle with syrup and ice cream, covered in flake and jelly tots mmmmmmmmmmmmm
By now i was not only feeling full, but also slightly sick ............................................. but did i let that stop me NO WAY....
I then ordered tea, when the waitress was pouring the tea, it looked like water so i stopped her pouring and showed her to put the pot down so that i could stir it to make it stronger, she misunderstood me somewhat and started to pour the tea into the plate next to me ........... well that was certainly the end of a quiet breakfast, we laughed so much the entire restaurant was looking at us, i can imagine what the tourists were saying about the noisy South Africans ................... well i got my cup of tea in the cup ................ and had it was a Danish pastry mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm by now i was sure i had got my money's worth so went to pay the bill ............................... it worked out to R 75.00 per peson .......................... i had eaten enough to feed a small army ................................. boy did i feel guilty ........................ especially since my brother in law left the restaurant with pockets full of pesassio nuts, he kind of kept missing his mouth and they would land in the pocket of his shirt ....................... accidently of course .......................

New Year

I cannot believe that another year has gone...................365 days........................52 weeks and the momentus occassion of my 50th birthday......................... gone forever, they say time waits for no man ............. when i look back i see the wasted time , the things i should have done and didn't, the people i should have phoned and didn't, the apologies i should have made and didn't................ I look back on this the last day of 2009 and there is a lot of regret............ a lot of things that i would have done differently if i had the chance to do it over, a lot of different decisions, a lot of different choices ......... but there is also a lot of joy, for the things i know that i did do right.
I would like to think that i did give something back for all the blessings that i know i have received, as i think of my surprise 50th birthday party, there were so many people there for me, for Karen Whittal i was so humbled by their presence, if think of the retreat, for me the highlight of my year, to be so surrounded by the presence of God is something which i will never forget, it is one of those experiences that you know no matter how hard your try cannot be repeated, cannot be duplicated, i pray that i have influenced someone, somewhere by my sermons .......... i pray that i have given just a fleeting moment of joy to someone, somewhere.................
As i go into 2010 i know that this is REALLY my year of change, but i know that i am ready, i know that i can achieve whatever i want to because God is my strength............. i can feel that he is in control, i can feel that is showing me the way, i prayed so hard for the change of heart of my husband, but each time the door was closed, and although i known that God is capable of all things, i also know that it is in his time, and that i need to bring the joy back into my life, i need to live and not to exist from day to day, i need to now consider me, my needs, my wants and my desires..................... i for the first time in my life am going to be selfish, and only do what i want to do, when i want to do it,
I know that my world will be turned upside down, i know there will be tears, I know there will be consequences.......... but i also know i am surrounded by friends who will be there for me, who will help me to to through this dark tunnel and out to the light which i know is at the end ............................
I know that when i get back into the light i will be the person i was born to be, and the person i have become over the years, in order to protect myself from the hurt, to protect myself from the insults, to protect myself from feeling will be gone forever.......................

Christmas

Yesterday was the perfect Christmas day for me, it was overcast and raining, and there was no presents to open....................nothing not one ................ no pretending that you like something, no disappointment when you did not get what you wanted, no sulking because someone got more than you, no broken anything, no gadgets that needed batteries which were not included .................................... for as long as i can remember i have not liked Christmas...........................
As a child i remember cold Christmas's we would venture out no matter what the weather, we would go and have Christmas lunch with one of the Grans and then later on go and visit the other Gran for dessert............... we would go and see all our cousins and i remember it being fun.
When we came to South Africa i have never got used to the hot Christmas's it just does not feel like Christmas, my sisters would wake up early we would open all our presents and then they would all go back to sleep, something that i have never been able to do and would leave me awake all alone, by the time they eventually woke up i had already read most of the annuals which was always the rage when i was small............... younger ............ i don't think that they even print those annuals anymore................ i wonder why ..........
In South Africa we have always had Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve because it was just to hot too have it on Christmas day, so Christmas day was always left overs ........... leftover brussel sprouts still does not work for me .......................... we always had to have 4 brussel sprouts with our Christmas dinner, we all hated them and would disguise them with tomato sauce................ or when we were younger with my Grans rubber gravy, when you were given gravy you should also have been given a fishing rod, because after your food was drowned in it, it was always difficult to find you food with out messing it all over the table, yourself, your sister , the floor ...........................
This year with the wind blowing and the rain and the cold , it really felt like Christmas................... the time when Jesus was born to change the relationship of the human race with his father................ so i supposed that it makes sense that this Christmas for me is one of change ...... my life will never be the same again .................... but i will still make my children eat their brussel sprouts.............. so that sonething of my parents will always be present as Christmas..............................

Laughter

They say there is no tonic like laughter and they are so right, we really have done nothing but laugh for days, in fact i think that is all we have done................
Everything is a joke, and my sides are constantly sore from laughing but, some of the highlight laughers are ..............................
On our first night we were playing 30 seconds, a game where y0u get the answer and you have to get other people to guess the answer i love playing games but seldom get people at home who will play with me, My brother in law was asking my sister in law the question as they were on the same team, and he said the answer is what he is and does everyday, the answers we got were "farmer", "shopkeeper", and an "arsehole" was slipped in there and when he had to give us the answer it was "The Good Samaritan"......................... well we just rolled on the floor, we could not believe it............
Then when we went to the braai, we were invited to the braai, when we got there they were all fixing the TV, nothing had been done, we started the fire ourselves, my brother in law as ususal had an enornmous fire, to braai a few pieces of meat, when we were leaving i saw a pile of wood with a grid on, and thought that the braai had melted, everyone laughed at me............................
My sister in law was telling us of the time she was coming back from Gauteng, and there was storm clouds billowing over the mountains, and she wanted to take some photos because it looked so beautiful, well when she got home and looked at the photos she had been holding the camera the wrong way, and had taken pictures, of her had, half her head and the stearing wheel........................
Then my daughter was telling me how when my sister in law had bent over to pick something up and she had "squeaked" ....................... i wondered what they were laughing at.............
Right now they are all playing hangman, and it is just laughter, have you ever heard of a "bongo muffin" .................................
It will be really difficult when we have to leave and go back to the real world................. but we still have some time left.............. to laugh ........................

Christmas Eve

What a lovely Christmas Eve we had full of laughter just the tonic that the doctor ordered, I had not realised just how uptight and stressed i was, i looked into the mirror yesterday and saw that i no longer had the black bags under my eyes, i am sleeping through and feel really good, and i realised even though it was hard to leave my eldest daughter behind at this, her favourite time of year, i don't think i could have faced Christmas at home, it is really painful to know that your whole life is going to change, and you are going to be the cause of it, but for once in my life i am going to do what every one else does and just worry about me.....................

We were up early in the morning and had breakfast in Port Alfred at a strange little Tea garden, which is really small and nothing to look at but the atmosphere is amazing, in line with our holiday policy i threw caution to the wind and had a scone with cream, jam and cheese for breakfast, i must admit that i felt guilty but i enjoyed it never the less, we then did our first Christmas shopping................................ i had said that i wanted nothing to do with Christmas this year...................... but i eventually gave in and although i had promised myself that i would not buy any gifts until after Christmas i just could not do it................ so admitted defeat and bought just a few presents,which i hope will be liked by their thoughtfulness and not their price, although i must say i did manage to keep the presents within the limit i had given myself.

We then spent the rest of the morning in Bathurst which is really such a friendly town, so many gift shops and craft shops that you are really spoiled for choice................ we had lunch at the hotel, and since we were here last year the place has really gone down, the service was worse than bad .................. it was disgusting ................. we waited so long that eventually i just paid for what we had, had and left.................. i hope that someone does something it cannot take 45 minutes to pour two cold drinks no matter how busy you are.................. we bought some beautiful and i hope unusual gifts.

We then went to the lighthouse the view is amazing i think that this is one of the most beautiful views in the whole of the Eastern Cape, where else can you have a 280 degree view of the sea.

I had hoped to go up the light house this time, but again time became a problem and the tour was already full, we needed to be back by 2pm because my daughter had promised to help hand out sweet parcels to the local children. The last two nights have been a party at the shop the people loved the music and flocked to join in the party, which was really good for business ......... but for me if i heard " If i marry me will you marry me" once more there could have been severe consequences for someone...................

We spent the evening with Matthew and Genine, and we really had a good laugh, we tried out their new dining room i would never have thought that red was a good colour for a room, but it looks absolutely stunning, so warm and rich.............. it was quite funny we were invited for the braai, but they were busy putting in a new TV, definately a blood relative cannot wait for "the right moment" has do do it right now, so we ended up starting the fire and braaiing the meat .................... but it was worth it we had such fun, and laughed almost as much as when we played 30 seconds the other evening.

What a great way to spend the evening ........................ Christmas tomorrow ............... the worst day of the year, i just don't like Christmas i am not sure whether it has to do with the weather, or whether it is because you go to so much time and trouble and it is over so quickly ....................................

Circus

I just love the circus there is something, so exciting about going to the circus, it seems like a life full of adventure, of travel of meeting new people everyday, i am sure however that if you ask the people in the circus they would have a completely different story to tell.

My daughter had seen the circus and she asked if we could go, to make sure that we got a good place i phoned to book a "good seat" we had to pick up the tickets 1 hour before the show started.......... which was really silly, because the place was only half full.

We were shown to our seats, i did not realise that i had booked the VIP seats, and they were in the front row, right opposite the curtain the best seats in the house or so we thought.............

The people next to us were really strange the lady had on a tiny and i mean tiny black sequined dress so short that if she coughed you would see what she had for breakfast............. with high heeled shoes she wobbled herself to her seat......... the best is yet to come ...............

We were about two seconds into the show when the heavens opened, i don't mean just rain i mean sheets of water and i of course would be sitting under the only hole in the entire tent, you will be amazed at how wet one tiny drop of water can make you, i had to move up and up and up...................

I had gone to work in the morning in a skirt and high heeled shoes, but had felt uncomfortable about going to the circus in a skirt, and thank goodness i could have looked the lady in the black sequinned dress, so my daughter and i went to the local store and bought a cheap pair of plastic shoes the only pair in a size 7, and a cheap pair of black 3/4 pants................. which i went into the docters car park and quickly changed before we went to the circus........ i am so glad, because 15 minutes into the rain storm a river started flowing from the back of the tent, under our chair and into the arena................. one minute my feet were dry the next minute we were wet up to our ankles............. obviously we had to move as they began digging up the front to divert the water away from the arena................ where the "artists" were having somewhat of a hard time.................. not to mention the lady in the sequinned dress as as she stood up, her dressed had creeped up and was wedged between the cheeks of her but............................. we really tried so hard not to laugh.....................................

The trapeeze artists were coming into the arena with their skin tight leotards on and wellington boots.............. although i must admit they were brightly coloured and looked quite cute, they were definitely not too impressed by the fact that when they got to the top of the tent, they were literally getting showered with the water that was coming in through the holes around the poles that kept the tent up................

The guys who were spinning the plates had the worst deal, the plates would just not spin when they got wet and kept falling off all over the place ........................

Even with the rain, we had a really good time and laughed a lot ............................ i really like the circus................... full of adventure and fun .......................

Changes

When i started to blog i wanted to make some changes in my life but for a million and one reasons including my daughters wedding i found myself in a situation where i needed to leave things as they were. But the Monday after the wedding i went and started putting things in place to eventually start the changes i had promised myself at the beginning of last year i went, to a lawyer and filed for a divorce. And although my husband will always be my first love, the father to my children, and i will deep down always love him, i am no longer prepared to except the disappearing acts, the unwillingness to pay his share, and the total lack of affection for anyone but himself, and the stories he makes up either because he believes they are real, or to cover up what he is doing in his own life.

To get away from the stress and the mudane, my youngest daughter and i decided to go on a "road trip" after her Dad had informed her he would see her after Christmas,no Christmas present no pocket money, nothing and what fun we have had so far we decided to do everything different than we usually do it, we could not chose the food we normally ate, we could not eat at the places we would normally eat ,we are not allowed to drink what we would normally drink.
We sang all the way in the car with no one telling us to be quiet, we refused to eat at Wimpy's and instead had amazing meals at incredible restaurants, when we arrived at our over night stop, we changed and spent hours in the pool cooling off............... what a relaxing end to a long drive.
Supper was different very nice and very different, a tiny little restaurant, the service was amazing the food was good, and i finished with a Vanilla Coffee.......................jummy................... will definately have one of those again.............
The next morning, we had a leasurely breakfast, and we were back on the road, spend an hour shopping in Queenstown, which has the best Mr Price in South Africa, i have never in my life stood in such a long queue, the queue was down from the till and down the entire lenght of the shop, there must hae been about 60 people in front of us, but my daughter had found the "perfect" outfit so in the queue we stood and stood and stood..............................
When we arrived in East London we went to a place on the beach and had a milkshake, we had a Blue Dolphin Shake, which you would think would be blue, we still do not know what it was, it was brown??? My daughter is going withj Horlicks, and i am going with "just awful" and we
just watched the sea, the entire trip was amazing we had constant phone calls from people making sure that we were safe, and that we were all on time, our phones never stopped ringing, how blessed we are to be surrounded by such amazing people.
In the evening we played a game "30 seconds" we have never laughed so much, we were 3 teams and my daughter and i won the first round .................
This morning we were up early and spent the morning chilling out on the beach, we got a little sunburnt, but where else can you share a beach with only 30o other people at the height of the holdiday season...................
Tomorrow we are off to Port Alfred for the day, we are meeting some friends there for lunch................... this is the most relaxing holiday i have had in a long time i wonder why...........................................

,

The Wedding

The wedding is over, and it was all we could have wished for, the day dawned bright and sunny, i dropped by youngest daughter at the hairdresser, at the crack of dawn, because it was a long and busy day ahead, i then rushed over to the florist, before she dropped the bridal bouquets at the venue, instead of keeping it at the shop for the bride, we discovered early on that although there work was absolutely stunning, they were none of them the brightest crayon in the box............ the sharpest tool in the shed ................ and they were stunning, when my daughter gets an idea, she know exactly what she wants and how to make it a reality, the bridesmaid flowers were in silver tin handbags, with white roses peeping out of the top, and the brides bouquet, was stunning, with its green and white flowers.

As i rushed the bridesmaids all four of them between hair and makeup, the only benefit being that i could stay in the car which had the airconditioner on full blast to keep me cool, in more ways than one, the bride was being pampered to a breakfast and a very relaxing morning, by a good friend of mine, she wandered into the hairdresser at about 12 as calm as a cucumber, while we were stressing somewhat, one of the flower girls was caught in traffic so was running late for her hair appointment, the other bridesmaid was still at the "bush " stage and her hair still had to be curled.

The bride was deposited at a friends house, to change and for the first photo's one of over 500 that were taken that day.

When i saw my daughter in her full dress and veil the day before, i began to cry, the wedding was truly a reality, with her hair and makeup on she looked stunning, and as the groom said later in the evening, "She really does clean up well."

My daughter always wanted to drive to her wedding in old cars, and is that is my husbands hobby, she was taken to the wedding venue in two old beige Rovers, which looked stunning with their black and green ribbons, the only downfall too old cars is no air conditioners, luckily the day was not melting hot, just uncomfortable hot........... the trip also took twice as long in the old cars, than we had allowed for, at one point during the trip i think the whole of Heidelberg, was stuck in the traffic jam behind us........

The chapel was tiny and very hot, certainly not built or designed to seat 150 people, our small wedding ended up with 150 people............... at one point i thought i would melt completely and only pools of fat would remain to show i had been there, luckily the weather turned and a breeze came up to cool the chapel down, although the service was in Afrikaans, it was very thought provoking, and very light hearted....... with the minister laughing and joking with the bride and groom.

Then the storm came up, a true Highveld storm, lots of thunder and lightning and a pitch black sky, so the photo phase of the wedding was cut short as people rushed to get inside before the heavens opened, and open they did, at one time you could not hear yourself think above the noise of the rain on the tin roof.

The place looked stunning, in fact the venue owner told me that this was the smartest table wedding she had ever seen, the slide show was fun...... full of old photos of the parents weddings, and the pair as they were growing up, something different............... and then the rain stopped and my daughter go her wish, that all her photos could be taken with the sunset as a back drop and what a sunset it was ....................................

Food was great, the music was great, the people were great, the 150 cup cakes that made up the wedding cake were absolutely stunning, and an amazing time was had by all, at 00.00 i asked that everyone be thrown out as i was not paying extra for the extra time............and as someone said the invitation said "Smart, Casual" and that is exactly what the day was Smart .............. Casual ................

Eight Sleeps

Only eight more sleeps, and my daughter is getting married, she will no longer have the same surname, she will no longer be identifiable by her surname as “one of us”, she will no longer have to pretend at work that we only have the same name and are in no way related, just in case I have had sometime or other put the customers account on hold, she will have a brand new name, one she can be proud of, and her new life will begin.

As I look at her so grown up and mature, so organized something that I thought I would never see, she has lists for everything, she has thought of everything, I am so proud of her, I will be so proud to see her walk down the isle, she has grown into a beautiful young lady, one who is liked by all, someone who has compassion and will help others, someone who people like to be around, who is interesting to talk to, who can make others laugh, someone who has the ability to forgive and forget and move on because life is to short to worry about the small stuff.

When I look at her, I am thankful for all the time I spent with her, the hours in doctors waiting rooms when she got sick, the hours walking up and down trying to comfort her when she was not feeling well, the hours spent lying on her bed because she would not go to sleep, the hours doing homework, the hours testing her when she was writing exams, the hours in the car driving to and from school, the hours driving to and from the stables, the lunches that we have enjoyed together, the Friday afternoon milkshakes …………….. I would not change a moment of it.

They say children are a blessing and I know that I have been blessed by having her in my life, and I would not change a moment of it. But looking back I can see this was a choice on my part, I could have done, what my parents had done and not taken an interest, I could have just been there giving a roof over her head and food on her plate, but I wanted something more, I wanted to build good memories, that she would remember forever, and one day when she has children she can regale to them the “stories” of her mother, good loving stories and happy memories, this is the legacy that I want to leave to her ………………………….

With this wedding she has done so much herself, she handmade every invitation herself, she handmade every place name, she handmade every thank you card.

She taught herself how to make candles and made every candle herself.

She made her own thank you gifts, when it would have been so much easier just to buy them.

She hand made the boxes for her flowers for the tables because she could not find exactly what she wanted at the price she was prepared to pay.

She deserves only the very best on her special day, she deserves for all the dreams she has for this special day to be fulfilled, she deserves the sunset which she ordered months ago, she deserves her dreams to come true ……

Tongue

The bible says that the tongue is mightier than the sword, and that we should use it wisely, with wisdom and with love, and it is so right, words can be are so powerful .............. but also so hurtful ....... and so destructive ............... and often unforgiveable ....... that is why i cannot understand why someone would find the need to use their tongue in a way that could only lead to hurt and anger, to use this muscle to make up stories that are untrue just to hurt someone ........... because no matter how much time passes some words once spoken will never be forgotten ...................... or forgiven ................ there are some words that are just so hurtful that only removing yourself form the presence of the person and from the situation will bring a calm ................... and a healing of the hurt inflicted ...................... and eventually a forgiveness ...................

The bible calls us to forgive 70 x 7 times, but it also advised the disciples when they were treated badly to brush

the dust from their feet as they walked away from the place and to take with them all the blessings they had bestowed upon the household ..................... what to do ............ what to do ................ forgive or walk away .................

I think it is one of the saddest things, when someone cannot fight fair .......... they play childish games, such as name callings and the making up of lies to try and "catch" the person out, these games are only played by someone who has no back bone .............. someone who has nothing to offer ............. someone who is really so pitiful that you cannot help but feel sorry for them ............. because these people they have nothing to offer anyone ............ you see even if the relationship ends and they move on, who they are does not change, a leopard cannot change its spots ............. and what they are can be hidden for a while .................... they can pretend that they are "Mr Nice Guy" but who they are will surface and the cycle will be repeated until they are all alone again ....................

I have learnt that if one person thinks that are bad and 100 worthy people think you are good .................. you are probably good....................... however if you think you are good and this is confirmed by 100 people who drink, swear

and watch filth .................. you probably have a problem .....................................

The tongue is a mighty weapon that should be kept inside your mouth unless you are willing to accept the consequences of using it to hurt ............ belittle ............. and degrade others .............................. the tongue is one of the most powerful tools we have ................. such a pity that so few use it to uplift , motivate and encourage others it is just so much easier to use it to hurt and break people down ...........................

Pamper Party

When someone is getting married it is customary to give them a kitchen tea, in "the old days" this was because they were making a home for the first time, how times have changed.................... my daughter has been living away from home for 8 years so instead of the old fashioned kitchen tea, we decided to give her a pamper party ...........

We decided on a breakfast just to be different, and the bridesmaids liked the idea ........ so we booked at the Crazy Daisy tea garden, really because i am feeling very lazy, and really just don't have the strength for preparing food and

doing dishes ................ i think i am currently at arranging overload and am really feeling very washed out , so i decided for once to take the lazy route ............... thank goodness for sms's it is amazing how quickly you can arrange something using this amazing technology, within days those who could attend had accepted and the pamper party was a green .........................

It was amazing and a credit to my daughter as people were phoning me and asking when the party would be even before the invitations had been sent out ................ i remember i used to hate kitchen tea's they were just so boring, and the dressing up was really something which was really just not funny at all, so i decided to go with a sophisticated event, with a little juicy innuendo .....................

I am not sure how much of a surprise it was, as she knew something was coming, but what we did was certainly a

surprise ..........

We had breakfast, and then played some games, which were really fun, i think the most fun was when we played pass the parcel, it is amazing that no matter how old you are you don't want to be left holding that parcel when the "music" ends.................. We did make her do a few slightly embarrassing things, one of the things she had to do was ask 4 people for R 5.00 can you believe that people gave her R 50.00 ......................... ...

The gifts she received were all amazing, and with 22 people it was strange that she never received one duplication, everyone had purchased a different fragrance even though the product might have been the same ............ she was really spoilt, with hair products, .and the odd suggestive bra's and pyjama's not to mention of course the dice that my friend bought, ........... one dice represents places in the house ......... the other has positions on .................. need i say more ................. definately information overload for a mother ...................

We then sent her and two of her bridesmaids off to the spa for the afternoon......... they came back glowing and very very

relaxed ................................................

With only two weeks to the wedding i think that was just what she needed ..............

Wedding

My eldest daughter is getting married in 19 days, i am not quite sure if i am ready to be a mother-in-law?? Sounds like something that my Mom was .......... what does it mean to be a mother-in-law does it give me any responsibilities .........

does it give me the right to say what is on my mind .................. does it mean that i have lost my daughter to another

family ........ that she is no longer one of us but one of them .............

I can remember like it was yesterday the day we brought her home from the hospital, i lay her on the bed and said to my husband "What are we going to do with that" until you have a child of your own, and baby sitting does not count, because you always have the option of giving it back when you have had enough ..............you cannot imagine the full time commitment that it takes, the hours of worry, the sleepless nights, the constant challenge of whether what you are doing is right or not. The adverts and movies you see on TV are all false advertising, children don't go to bed by themselves, children don't eat their food at one without making a mess, children don't potty train overnight, children don't just speak in full sentences ..........Children puke ........ poo ........ cry ............. and want constant undivided attention .

My daughter is very artistic and has done most things herself for the wedding, her own invitations, her own flower boxes has made her own candles, her own wedding favors .................. she has always been creative she has always loved being by herself and making things, whether it was beads, or paintings, or clothes or scrap booking photos ......... she was always happiest when she was creating something where did this come from, even stick men are a problem for me, and i am really not sure about my husband because when something needed drawing he seldom offered to help. In fact as i look back i realize that my husband rarely spend much time with the children at all, i cannot remember him ever helping with homework, i was always the one to go to parent evenings, i was the one to fetch and carry to and from parties, to and from school ........................ is this why my daughter is so independent, so set in her ways, so strong willed, not needing anyone for anything, is this what she got from me, is this the legacy that i am leaving her ........

When you look back at them at their hangups which you know you caused, because of your hang ups because of your own inability to have a proper relationship, because of your quest to be the perfect mother. Children should come with an instruction manual, so that you know when you are doing it right and when you are doing it wrong ............

A friend of mine often says that we are all born winners, but are conditioned losers ........ and it is so true a child is capable of anything, we as parents keep telling them they can't .................. one of the first words a child learns is

no .......................... don't .................... naughty ...................

I know that i tried to be a better parent than my parents were, and i hope that she will improve on the kind of parent i was to her ....................... but more than anything i hope than one day she will look back and be able to thank me for who she is .........................

Sick Sick Sick

What is wrong with some people, they just hate to see others happy and filled with joy, peace and happiness, that it becomes a cancer eating them up inside they become so sick, depraved, that they have to invent things, they have to invent lies to make themselves feel better, they have to invent lies because if they didn't they would have to accept, they have to take some of the blame they have to take responsibility for some of the problems that they have in their lives, it is so easy to blame .................... parents, teachers, siblings, wives children, to blame others for lost years, for their unhappiness but at the end of the day, we all have a choice, a choice to either wallow in your unforgiveness, and your blame, and your self pity ............... or you can pick yourself up and decide that no matter what you are going to be the master of your own destiny ................ i know that is the road that i have taken................

These people live in a world that is dark and full of hate they have lost the ability to see just how sick, they have become, that , what they are thinking and saying truly is filled with darkness .................... they have lost the ability to reason with what is true and what is a lie, in fact they convince themselves, they so desperately need to be right, that they, believe themselves they convince themselves that their lies are real, they convince themselves that what their sick minds are thinking is true…………… they fabricate proof, witnesses to try and convince or convict those they are accusing ....... l all because they just need it to be true, to validate what they are doing, to validate the disturbed life they are living…………. unless you yourself are guilty, you could never dream up the lies .............. unless you are living them ......... yourself ................. but to ease your conscience you need to blame someone ..........

What they never stop to consider is that once something is said, it can never be taken back, and each time they lay blame, each time they insult, each time they accuse of things that deep down inside they know could never be true.......... it builds a wall between them and the person they are wrongly accusing, it builds a wall that becomes thicker and thicker that one day they will realise that the wall has been plaster and painted and nothing can ever take it down............................. The pain, the hurt, and the anger has gone to deep that the good times are forgotten, in the mist, and the clouds of the hurt ..................

Weekend

What an amazing weekend this was, and I think it was because it was the first time in a long time that me and my daughters have spent an entire day together, without any arguing.

Friday night I did not feel like being alone at home so went to the Wimpy for a coffee, I took a newspaper and thought that I would read

well when I came to put my glasses on I had left them at home, so the only part of the newspaper I could read was the headings and even those had to be quite large for me to see them without my glasses, I felt really stupid ……………

We drove through to Krugersdorp on Saturday morning, to go and decide on the decorations that my daughter wanted for the top of her cup cake wedding cake. That was done in a jiffy a shop called the Cup Cake Connexion had some really amazing cakes, so of course we bought ourselves a whole load of cup cakes, they are absolutely evil, once you have one you really just cannot stop, I normally don’t like chocolate cake, but these cup cakes were chocolate, topped with caramel and then topped again with chocolate.

The only misfortune was my sister as trying to avoid going into the traffic in reverse she had a slight altercation with a lamp post……….. it just jumped out behind her, luckily the only damage was a broken tail light and loss of face because boy was she embarrassed.

The we needed to find something to put the cup cakes on , so off ,too another shop we went, they did not have what we were looking for, so we went to a glass shop, well I can imagine what Alice must have felt went she landed up in Wonderland, it was amazing, class in every colour every size, every design, we had no problems what so ever finding what we wanted, and the prices were a third of what you would pay anywhere else, so I will definitely be going back there…………

Then we went for breakfast, I had smoked salmon, absolute delicious, Wimpy and Steers breakfasts, although good just cannot compare ..…

with one of these amazing breakfasts.

Then we hit the shops we had one hour to find my daughter a pair of shoes for her wedding, well 20 shops later the last pair of shoes she tried on ………. presto she found the shoes she was looking for …..

and then I realized if we had gone around the shopping centre the other way it would have been in the first shop we went into ………………

The we rushed back to Heidelberg for a meeting with the lady at the wedding venue, it is all becoming so real, I think I am beginning to get panic attacks, in a few days time, she will not be my little girl anymore she will be someone else’s wife ………………………

The we rushed back to Monte Casino for supper at John Dory, we sat on the top floor looking out over the fountains, the food was lovely but just once I would like to go there and not have to rush because we were going to the theatre for the production of Cats, it was amazing the costumes, the lighting, the songs, the acting, one of the cats pounced on my youngest daughter and she almost pounced into her sisters lap. I cannot believe that it lasted 3 hours the time went so quickly.

We switched off the lights at about 1 o’clock and then I was woken by a scream that would have made the cats in the concert very proud, my youngest daughter was in such pain, she was as white as a sheet, and she looked awful, I gave her my normal cure all Panado, and after 20 minutes she was still in pain, I took her through to the emergency section of the hospital. They called out the docter, and it could be a number of things, but the gave her an injections and as soon as the pain had subsided they allowed us to go home………. What a way to finish the day ………………..

Levy and the Cats

Last week we had to take our cat Peroni to be neutered, this because he had begun to leave his mark on my furniture, I was happy to leave himwith balls, until I sat on the couch the other day and got the first hand whiff of what he had been up to .

I have spoken before about the close bond between our dog Levy And the cat Peroni, when Peroni was a few weeks old Levy found him and adopted him, as his own.Monday evening I picked up the cat, put it in the basket and off we go to the vet, the cat made a valiant attempt to escape but my daughter was stronger and we arrived there with no mishaps, the cat still firmly secured in the basket, I felt quite guilty leaving him there, there was a storm brewing and Peroni hates storms.

When we got home however it was a different story, Levy could not understand where the cat was, he knew that he had gone in the car, but also knew that he had not come out, he kept me awake the whole night he wanted to keep on looking inside the car, to let the cat out he was convinced he was still in there somewhere……………..

On Tuesday off we went to pick up the cat, I mentioned to my daughter that I hope that he is groggy so that we don’t have to fight with him all the way home, her words and I quote “ Mom he is going to be pissed, you just cut off his balls” …………………….

When we went into the vet, he couldn’t think why we were there and my daughter in her inimitable style said “ We have come for the cat without the balls” ever the elegant conversationalist………………. Makes me wonder what I was paying for during the 12 years she went to school.

At home Levy was thrilled to see his friend he had missed him so much however, we were destined to have problems and all was not well obviously Peroni smelt very different because of the anesetic and our other cat, Rocky thought that we had brought home another cat, and all hell broke loose, every time the two cats came in contact with one another they would fight, Levy the knight in shining armour would come to Peroni’s defense and this continued all night ……………. And I mean all night……………………….

The vet had said that we must keep the cat indoors for the evening, and Peroni is not an inside cat, he loves the outdoors, so it was quite a mission every time someone opened the door, he was like a bullet to get outside, eventually he gave up and went to the loo in the kitty litter, something he hates. About 10 minutes later I was on the computer and I heard water running, in my mind I wondered what it was and when it continued i got up to have a look, and there was Levy ………………. Relieving himself in the kitty litter ……………………… and in typical male fashion, his aim left a lot to be desired ………………………………