Monday, May 24, 2010

Dark Clouds...

Have  you  ever  got  up  in the  morning,  and  just  had  a  deep  feeling  of  sadness,  you  are  not  sure  what  it  is,  you  are  not  sure  why  you  have  it,  you  know  you  have  so  much  to  be  thankful  for,  so  much more  than so  many,  and  yet  that  ache  is  there..........................  it  is  like  you  want to  spend  the  whole  day  peeling  onions...............really  good  strong  onions............  so  no one  can  see the  tears  are  real........

For  my  birthday  I  had  received  a  gift  voucher  for  a  coffee shop,  so  although  my  birthday  was  in  December,  yesterday  was  the  first  time  I  had  some  time  to use it.  So  off we  went  for  lunch,  the  place  was called  Legato............  a  beautiful  place  where  the owners  live  on the  top floor  and  the  coffee shop  is on  the  bottom  floor,    a  peaceful  place  with  nooks  and  crannies  all  over,  so  you  didn't  know  what  was  around  the  next  corner....................  I  suppose  just  like  my  life  right  now,  full  of hope  and also  full of  uncertainty................

The  music  was  "semi'  classical  if  there  is  such  a thing,  nice  background  music.................  the  only  problem  was  the  strange  feeling  I  had  when  I  walked  inside,  have  you  ever  walked  into  a  place  and  the hairs  on  the  back  of your  neck  just  stand  on  edge..........  this  has  happened  to  me  twice,  once  when  I  went  into  the  kitchen  of  the  General  Jan  Smuts  museum in  Irene  and  yesterday  when  I  walked  into the  Legato Coffee  Shop ..................
We  were  sitting  eating  in  a  little  corner  we  had  to eat  inside  because  Kayla  as  usual  had  forgotten  her  jersey  and  the  weather  is  really  turning  quite  chilly,  this  morning  was  the  first  freeze  of  the  winter.........   we  had  just  received   our  food,  given  thanks ........ and  the  next  minute  a  clock  fell of  the  wall...........  just  fell off the  wall...............  there  was  no  one  sitting  near  it  there  was  no  walking  past  it,  no  one bumped  a  table .............  nothing.........  it  just  fell off the  wall.

We  were  laughing  and  joking  about  it  when  the  lamp on  the  table  across the  room  started  to  flicker...........   and  that  was  me..............  I  just  had  this  really  uncomfortable  feeling............ that  continued  to  stay  with  me  the  whole  day......................
In  the  evening  I  was  bringing  in the  washing  and  the wisteria  pods  which  were  at  the top of  the  mulberry  tree  were  breaking  open  from  the  cold,  and  all I  could think  of was my heart  breaking  open............  and  the  dark  cloud  of  sadness  is still  just  above  my  head............... 

6 comments:

  1. Karen honey don't quiet know what to say to you other than I am sorry your having such sadness over you right now. Wish I could help you in some way and if I can just let me know. If nothing else I am here to listen. Just email me and let me know.
    What a story about the coffee shop incident. Yes I have had those type of experiences your talking about and I usually run from where I get the feeling. lol...the chicken in me comes out when I have those feelings especially if it is a public place and one I have not been to very much.
    I have found from being in law enforcement over the last 20 years to go with your gut feeling.
    I have to reread this post but do let me know if I can help you lift the sadness
    Love
    Maggie

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  2. Also I wanted to say that these dark clouds your feeling happen to all of us time and again but not easy to deal with alone. So know we are all out here for you
    Love
    Maggie

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  3. I have had feelings like that, too. I wonder what that's all about. I wonder if it was something about the place you were in, or the time of life you're in? Spiritual things are so interesting, aren't they? I have heard so many Christians feeling a sense of sadness, lately.

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  4. Hey yes I've had those feelings. Some days I just don't want to do what needs to be done and I know I have so much to be thankful for and yet it doesn't feel that good. I think it's normal, and probably also something to do with hormones. I used to try and fight it, ignore it, get busy - generally it doesn't work so I'm just kind to myself, knowing tomorrow I'll wake up feeling much better. Hope you do too. xx

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  5. What an experience..I have had instant weird feelings come to me when I've met certain people..it makes me want to turn and run! We looked at a house to buy many years ago and my Father-in-law was with us. We liked it but he said if we bought it he would never come inside again..weird..we didn't buy it. Sometimes it's best to just go with the sadness...have a good cry and hope for a brighter light tomorrow. I'll keep you in my prayers that you'll get through this time.

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  6. Rough night could not sleep much and thought of you while lying there looking at the ceiling. lol
    Be glad when this ordeal of pain is over for both of us. My accident has just about did me in.
    Remembered something I had wrote a while back and thought I needed to give it to you..so if I can find it I will
    Be strong today and let me know how you are
    Love
    Maggie

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