The Chair

On  my patio/verandah  i have  a   small, white, square wooden table  and  chairs, covered  in  a green and  white  striped  canvas,  it always  reminds  me  of  the old  deck  chairs  that  you used  to be able  to  buy,  the old  fashioned wooden  ones  you used  to  see  in  the movies , people  used  to  hire  them  on  the  beach, they  just  give  you  that "warm fuzzy feeling" of  familiarity, of  the  good  old  days that  have  long  since  gone, i just  love  sitting  outside  in  the quiet  of  the mornings  listening to the birds, the warm  cooing  of  the  doves  and  pidgeons,  the  loud  screeches  of  the  hadida's  the  gentle  chatter  of  the  sparrows,  the noisy hammering  of  the  African  hoepoes, there  is  always that  slight  chill in  the air in  the  mornings, not  enough  that  you  need  a  jersey,  but  enough  to  give  you  goose  bumps from  time  to time,   and this  is  where i   have  my  first  cup  of  tea,  and this  is  where  i  do  my  blogging,  for  some reason  this piece  of  furniture, this piece  of  wood,  well,  it makes me feel that  am  surrounded by things  that  love  me, it makes  me  feel  safe, it makes  me  feel  like  i belong ................
On my verandah  however  i  now  have  a  new  chair a present,  given  to  me  by  my  new  son  in law,  a chair  he  made  himself,  a wooden chair  made  from  tree branches,  surrounded  by  wire  and  filled  with batting,  so  that  i can  fill it  with  flowers.

Empty  the  chair looks  lonely,  sad,  it looks  like  it  has  seen  better  days,  it  looks  like  all hope  is  lost  that  it  will never  be  something  of  beauty, that  it  has  resigned  itself  to being  this  weird  looking  chair,  that  it  can  never  be anything  more  because  it  is just  now  worthy..................  maybe  a lot  of us are like that    we  are  empty,  we  need and  rely  on  others  to  make  us  happy,  we  expect  others  to  give  us  the joy  that  will see us  through  each  day................. but  we you  see  unlike  the  chair, that  needs  someone  to  transform  it  into  a thing  of  beauty, we can  choose ourselves  to  transform  ourselves  into  a thing  of  beauty.......... 
Yesteday  my daughter  and  i went  out  to the nursery  to  buy  the plants  to  fill this  empty  chair,  after  a  somewhat  shaky  start,  because  we  both  had  different  ideas  as  to  how  the  chair  should  look, when  it  was  filled  with  flowers,  i was  going  with  rows  of organised  colour,  and  she  wanted  mixed  colour,  we found  and  bought  the  plants  we needed.............. and  that  is  what we  need  to  do,  no matter  how shaky  we  are,  no matter  how  different  we  are,  no  matter  how different  we  see things, we  need  to find  the "thing"  that  fills  our  life,  the  thing  that  brings  out  our  inner  and  outer  beauty,  the  thing  that transforms  us  from  "Ordinary"  to "Extraordinary" in the words  of  the  amazing  Angela  Thomas.
I have  had  the  chair  for  4  days  now,  and  it  is  still not filled  with  flowers,  no time,  the shops  were closed, it  was  pouring  down  with  rain,  there  was  101 reasons  why  it  could  not  be transformed into that special  something........................... do  we  not  do  the same thing,  keeping  putting  things  off,  keep
finding  reasons  excuses  as  to why  we  cannot  do  something,   to change  something,   to improve  ourselves,  spend  time  on  ourselves,  give  time  to ourselves,  you  see  are we  not   afraid,  that  if  we  do  transform  ourselves  into  a "new person"  a new  you.....................  you will see  just  how  much  "life'  we  have  wasted .........................
And  you  see it  actually takes  no time at  all to take  something  "Ordinary"  and  change  it  into  something  "Extraordinary" ..........................................

Masks

This has really been a week of doing things differently, and that is what life is all about the only thing certain in our life is change, and we should embrace it.........................
Today is Saturday, and i decided yesterday that i was going to have a lie in this morning, no gym, no hair appointments, no nail appointments, no taking anyone anywhere no doing anything for anyone except me i know it sounds rather selfish, but all the motivational books tell you that you have to love yourself and spoil yourself in order for others to love you....................... Truth of the matter is i knew it was going to be freezing cold this morning and did not want to venture outside until it was a "tad" warmer.
I have had a very soul searching week, i have had to face a few truths head on, and realised that we all wear masks, and only show others what we want them to see............... what we think it is safe to show them........... how much information we think people can digest............... I was priveleged this week to read a friends message on faith, i have been friends with this person that more years than i care to remember, and i realised that even after all these years there were things that i did not know about her, how could i have not know, how could i have not understood, how could i not have put the pieces of the puzzle together, was i to young, too stupid, did i just not care enough....................... or was her mask so entrenched in who she was that she never showed anyone the truth behind the mask................................ The bible says it is better to have a friend who can pick you up when you are down, who can hold you accountable, who can lead you back to the path you should be on................ I want to be that kind of friend.
I also came to the realisation that it is so difficult to change ourselves, how do we think ,we , "humans" can change someone else. I am going through the book, as i have said many times, The Power of the Praying wife, and i thought that i was really praying into the book, really seeing the truth, and then a throw away remark from my prayer partner, had me all mixed up................. and i had to reaccess am i really praying into this book, this book that asks us to change, asks us to put all our faith in God so that he can change our partners...........
We normally pray on Fridays but for circumstances beyond our control, we had to move it to Sunday, although it was her turn to come to my house, I said don't worry i'll come to you and then you will not have to leave your husband at home, she said something like but what about your husband, and i said something along the lines of SO WHAT................ this week the chapter we prayed into was about PRIORITIES, about how important it what to put God first, then your husband and then your children.................. before work, before friends, before activities, before reading, before televison, before all other things..........................................how important it was to let your husband know he was your main priority..................................... thinking back i don't think i have ever done this........................... so how has this book made me change..............................do i still have my mask on............................ do i even know who the person is behind the mask............................

The week that was

Wow, i cannot believe that it is a whole week, since i last had time to chat, it was just one of those weeks. Monday was my husbands birthday which was enlightening, last year he would not come to my party because I had invited all my friends, now he invites all my friends to his party, since we weren't exactly talking, i think it was a ploy to get me there..... because he had invited his own two friends, who really work for him, so i am not sure if that even counts as a freind, that being the case, it was a lovely evening, went to a brand new restaurant really nice food, nice people nice ambience. Tuesday to thank us for Monday was back to friends house another late night, nice food, nice people and nice ambience and so the triedness begins to set in............ Wednesday was cell and we are going through the book The Shack, wow, it is amazing what we are learning about ourselves, it is amazing what people are sharing.......... Thursday was Ascension day, and although it is really a serious matter, the service was "horrific" and this word is not used lightly. Our normal minister is way, so we had a Lay Preacher, well he choose three songs that no one knew, he then had a pianist playing that really needed some refresher lessons............. need i say more, but it was the third song that broke the congregations back, forget about the came, while the pianist was on a mission of her own playing something.......... the only one who could sing was the minister, no one else could follow the tune, you would have thought after the first verse, he would have given up, but he soldiered on alone through the second and third and fourth and...................... by this time the congregation, was really breaking up, and short of rolling on the floors were not taking the evening seriously.................... And then we went into the sermon..................... i had promised myself that i would listen really listen, well 10 minutes into the service i was doing my shopping, spending my salary, buying birthday gifts for all the birthdays coming up in the next week, i think i am just to stupid to understand, he did get me back for a few minutes about 5 minutes before the end, when he had an interesting concept of the stage call and the call of God being the same that part i really connected with, and then thank goodness he decided to miss the last song, i learnt later that we had not sung those songs in over 5 years.................
need i say more.................
Friday passed in a blurr and the tiredness of late nights in a row, caught up with me, and then there was Saturday, some time ago a friend and i had, had a brainwave to host a Mother and Daughter tea, the next time i have such an idea i am going to insist on being shot............... any way Saturday was the day, 5 tables between 8 and 10 people on a table, it was great, great message, great food, great company, the table were absolutely amazing, the theme was Shades of pink, so 5 people were host of the tables, you could do anything you wanted to provided it was in a shade of pink, the table were completely different, reflecting the 5 different personalities, but great fun was had by all my feet are still not talking to me, in fact it could be some time before they are friends with me again, i made the cardinal fashion mistake of wearing high heel shoes, not good when you spend 6 hours on your feet..................
Today was a beautiful morning, cool and crisp just like i like it, Church was great, great sermon, by another Lay Preachere, with our minister away, i did the evening service, and i normally have no problem, i knew my message was great, but i just did not connect, more i think because of my frame of mind, you see no matter how much we try to change ourselves, it is really hard, especially when those around you are stuck in a loop, and just repeating past mistakes, repeating past mistakes, repeating past mistakes................. roll on Monday my favourite day of the week, back to work, where i am boss, and people do thinks when i ask once.............. and when they see me stressing, they bring forth pots of tea................. i just love Mondays...............................

Training and i have to change again

For the next two days i have training, after over twenty years in credit control my company now decides that we need to learn how to speak to our customers. I am not sure what their perception is of how we do our jobs, but they obvious have not looked at out debtor days and over 90 days in the past 20 years , which incidently are one of the best in the group.
So here i am again the universe is putting me in a place where i have to change.
I can no longer say "may i help you" i must say "can i help you" ?? I can no longer put the phone down on someone who has no manners and is using abusive language, i have to give him three warnings, "Sir i am going to put the phone down if you are rude" then " Sir i cannot continue to listen to such bad language" and finally " Sir i am now putting down the phone"................ Why are people always trying to make something that is simple into something that is so complicated, i am convinced it is because there friends have training companies and they want to give them business.
After two full days of training i am going to receive a certificate and 3 points, 3 whole points towards a qualification, the minimum points required for any qualification is 120, at this rate i will be 100 before i qualify.....................
This change is really becoming all encompassing, first my marraige now, my job at ALMOST
50 is there anything that i am doing right................

Mothers day scrapbooking

I am not someone who likes their photo taken, it is not that i am REALLY ugly and would break the camera, but i am just not photogenic, both my daughters are so don't understand my dislike, they love having their photo's taken. Last Sunday my eldest daughter asked be to do a "photo shoot" as she needed photographs for a scrap booking page she needed to do, my gut reaction was to say no........ but in line of my promise to change myself I agreed.
Well she decided to drag me off into a field just down the road from home, she wanted a natural setting, the fact that we had to illegally tresspass on a farmers private lands did nothing for my confidence on to my being able to relax, as the whole time I was waiting to be attacked by vicious dogs, or shot at by an irate farmer. After about 50 photo's my "beloved" daughter wanted me to climb up a big grass bail, her fiance tried to give me a leg up, that left me suspended on the grass bail hanging on for dear life. When that did not work i went to a smaller bail at the end of the row, and proceeded to balance myself like a tight rope walker over a few bails until i was on the bail where the sun and the shadows were just right and the view was of the hills behind, after I had degrassed my arms, hair and knees, the photoshoot began again. As luck would have it my husband had followed us on his old Royal Enfield motor bike, as is usual with my husbands second hand "bargains" it started to give trouble, so he arrived with his hitler helmet on, "putting" along at 5 km per hour, he then proceeds to "fix " his bike by beating it to death with a piece of wood, compliments of the farmer.
Well we took about 150 photo's of which about 10 were usable. I am either looking irrated full of grass, laughing at my husband, or guiltily glancing around waiting for the consequences of our "illegal" actions. But i had fun even though it took hours to get the grass shards out of my "but", from slipping down the grass bail, change might not be so bad after all.