Death

Today i went to a funeral, a lady that i know, from church, i realise now that i really did not know her very well, she died of cancer within a few months of getting sick, she was fine one week and then we never saw her again...................... i am not sure why i wanted to go, but i had "that" feeling and knew that i needed to go, and say goodbye................... maybe because my own parents funerals just did not feel right, and i think today i discovered what was missing......................... It was GOD.
I started going to church after my Dad died 5 years ago, it feels like it was yesterday, but i did not want to have a funeral in a chapel, that was next to the butcher the baker or the candlestick maker, i once went to a funeral in the middle of a town, with the day to day things going on around, there was in fact a butcher shop next door, and there was just no warmth, there was no God at that funeral and it just did not feel right.
At my Dad's funeral which was in a small chapel at a church he never went to, given by a minister who did not know him, there was no warmth there was no God.
At my Mums funeral which was in a large chapel, given my a minister who had a hair on his tongue and spent the entire time, trying to remove said hair, with a pianist, that really needed some lessons, the tune and the words were just not quite in time.
I wanted a funeral at a church where everyone knew me, where the minister knew my name, knew what kind of person i was, what my dreams and my desires were, where he could talk from the heart, and not saywords like "i believe that Karen liked reading".................. or "i have been told that Karen was a avid blogger"........................l i wanted someone who knew me.
When i started going to church, the love of God and the fellowship of his people grew like a tidal wave in me, and the more i got involved the more at peace i felt, and the more at peace i felt the more involved i got.
My husband refuses to go with me to church now, because i have so many friends to say hello to before i get to the pew................ and he really doesn't know anyone, he choses not to get involved, he choses not to go to church, at one point he said if we went to another church where we didn't know anyone, he would go........... the truth is i would want to get involved in the new church, and he wouldn't and we would be back to square one, so i am staying right here, in my church, in my family of Christ.
I realised today that we do not know when our time is, we do not know the year, the day or the hour, that God has decided will be the day that we join him in heaven............................... but i realised today, if my day is tomorrow i am ready..........................................